According to the study, 88 percent of marriages which take place after a love affair end with failure, i.e., with a success rate of not more than 12 percent. As for what it called “the traditional marriage”, according to the study, 70 percent are successful.
In other words, the number of successful marriages in the so-called traditional marriage is six times more than love marriages. [Risaalah Ila Mu’minah]
This study is confirmed by another similar one carried out by Syracuse University in the U.S. The study indicates beyond doubt that love or passion is not a guarantee for a successful marriage; rather, it often leads to failure. The alarming rates of divorce assert these facts.
Commenting on this phenomenon, Professor Saul Gordon, a lecturer at the aforementioned University said, "When you are in love; to you the whole world revolves around this person whom you love. Marriage then comes to prove the opposite and destroy all your perceptions. This is because you discover that there are other worlds that you have to be aware of. It is not the world of humans, but the world of concepts, values and habits which you paid no attention to before." [Ibid]
Frederick Koenig, a professor of social psychology at Tulane University, says, "Romantic love is very strong and emotional, but does not last, while real love is linked to the land and life and can withstand trials." He adds,"It is impossible that one adapts the powerful emotions in romantic love. This love seems like a cake, a person enjoys eating it [while it lasts], then it is followed by the period of downfall. While real love means sharing the concerns of daily life and cooperation for it to continue. Within the framework of this cooperation, one can achieve his human need." [Al-Qabas Newspaper: Quoted from Risaalah Ila Hawwaa’]
The love which the writer talks about and calls “real life” was expressed in the Quran as affection. Allaah The Exalted Says (what means): {And of His Signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.}[Quran 30: 21]
The relationship between spouses is based on affection and mercy, not on ardent love, desire and passion. It is a relationship which is based on quiet love (affection) and mutual mercy, not illusions of love which fail to withstand reality or romantic fantasies which fail to create a successful marriage.
How knowledgeable was ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab when he addressed women and said, "If one of you does not love her husband, she should not tell him about this, because only a few homes are based on love; rather, people live together by virtue of good morals and Islam."
Nevertheless, this does not mean that we call to neglect emotions between spouses or bury feelings and sentiments between them.
The Messenger of Allaah, , gave us the best example of loving his wives. It was narrated in the pure Sunnah (tradition) that the Prophet, , was careful to put his mouth on the same place from which his wife ‘Aa’ishah drank. During his final illness, he used her Siwaak (tooth stick) and died while he was reclined against her chest, between her neck and bosom. What kind of love is nobler and more sublime than this?